At Minuteman Ammo, we take financial-predator defense seriously.
Gold Diggers, while technically human, are apex parasites capable of draining assets faster than a probate lawyer on overtime. Whether you encounter an ancient matrimonial opportunist from the House of Cleopatra, a Renaissance-era dowry bandit, or a modern-day influencer armed with a vape, a ring light, and a highly curated “soft life” aesthetic, you can never be too prepared to defend your net worth with decisive force.
Highly adaptable, cardio-light, and emotionally manipulative, Gold Diggers have only two known weaknesses: precious metals and uncompromising sparkle.
To counter this rising threat, we developed the Diamond-Tipped Silver Round — a 99.9% pure silver projectile capped with a .5 carat diamond polished to a radiance that can blind, stun, or repel any creature fixated on “financial security via someone else’s labor.”
Each projectile is handcrafted by local artisans who failed art school but excel at metallurgy & munitions. Once polished to an IRS-audit-level shine, the rounds are chambered into flawless Starline nickel-plated brass — because nothing scares a Gold Digger like someone who appears responsible with money.
This is real, live-fire ammunition. Not a prop. Not costume jewelry. Not something that comes free with a subscription box.
In ballistic testing, the silver rounds demonstrated superior integrity, laser-straight penetration, and the uncanny ability to make anyone clutching a designer purse suddenly calculate their exit strategy. Our .357 variant achieved 18" of gelatin penetration and triggered two spontaneous prenups in the test room. Other calibers showed similar performance, along with a noticeable drop in alimony-related heart rate.
A grazing hit may produce temporary confusion, but a solid hit is usually enough to make any Gold Digger reconsider their retirement plan — especially the one they were planning to fund via your house, your car, and your golden retriever.
Because Gold Diggers never operate alone — they travel in packs, often accompanied by lawyers, influencers, and unsolicited financial advisors — we strongly recommend keeping multiple backup rounds. Hence our Gold Digger Defense Six-Pack. It’s cheaper than a wedding.
Modern criminal law is outdated and makes no mention of the ancient Ecclesiastical Anti-Extortion Ordinances, leaving today’s prosecutors utterly unprepared to address attacks from the likes of Anna Nicole-class predators or hyper-aesthetic cryptids armed with prenups written in disappearing ink.
We do not endorse proactive hunting without proper relationship-termination paperwork, notarization, and a witness who isn’t biased by spa-day incentives. In all seriousness, this is live ammunition and should be used responsibly. We do not endorse or condone any illegal activity. We are using humor and sarcasm in our product description, please be a safe and responsible citizen.
This product includes ONE round, shipped in a custom-engraved velvet-lined, inheritance-proof display casket.
ONE. SINGLE. ROUND of live ammunition. One Half karat diamond. One 99.96% solid silver projectile.
MADE-TO-ORDER PRODUCTION NOTICE
Each round is crafted individually and made to order. Please expect an approximate 2-week lead time to ship — quality, sparkle, and financial foresight all take time.
Manufacturing Footage
Want to see how we build our Silver Rounds? Werewolf, Vampire and Gold Digger.
Click here to watch our YouTube behind-the-scenes video.
SHIPPING NOTES & SALES POLICIES
All ammo sales are FINAL.
Once it leaves our hands, we can’t take it back — unlike your ex.
Please allow 2 weeks for processing — our team includes auditors, enchanted raccoons, and one guy who writes motivational emails to himself.
California:
Must ship to an FFL. Tell them to stop laughing at your single bougie bullet.
Also, don’t mention “marriage” — it triggers paperwork.
New York:
Also FFL only. The FFL will judge you. The state will judge you.
Everyone will judge you. Power through it.
Illinois:
Requires FOID, driver’s license, and a written essay titled
“Why I Should Be Allowed to Touch Sparkly Things.”
Connecticut:
Needs more permits than a federal dam. Email them all.
Attach a headshot. They like headshots.
Massachusetts:
Requires a license to purchase ammunition, a permit for the license, and a permission slip from your local HOA president.
New Jersey:
You must present one of several state-issued firearm permissions,
plus your gym membership card to prove you can handle recoil in tight jeans.
Rhode Island:
Requires a license to possess ammunition.
Also requires a sense of humor, which most applicants fail.
Hawaii:
We’ll ship it, but it won’t matter — your real problem is rent, not Gold Diggers.
Mahalo.
Texas:
No paperwork required, but you will be asked to explain why you didn’t just buy a whole case.
Florida:
Identification optional, flip-flops mandatory.
If you can fog a mirror, you’re good.
Michigan:
Still legal. But seriously… elect somebody normal.
Washington State:
Allowed, but the bullet must register as an emotional support gemstone.
Oregon:
They’ll let you buy it, but they’ll ask your pronouns first.
The bullet’s pronouns are “Pay/Me.”
Colorado:
Legal, but only if altitude doesn’t give you sticker shock.
Nevada:
No restrictions. Casino employees may try to purchase it off you mid-transaction.
Utah:
They’ll assume it’s for self-defense from sister wives.
We don’t judge. They do.
Arizona:
You may buy one round tax-free if you can beat the cashier in a quick-draw contest.
Alaska:
Legal. Bears will not respect it.
District of Columbia:
No sales.
Your local officials will protect you.
(They won’t.)
Gun laws change often. If your state requires documents and you don’t submit them within 24 hours, your order will be canceled and a 20% restocking fee applied — which is still cheaper than one brunch date with a professional Gold Digger.
